I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize