So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
