she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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