My room smells like vodka and shame
She's JV to your varsity
I'm going to jail i love you
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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