I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Is Oprah even human
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
