I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
