Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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