When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
There's even glitter on my cock...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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