Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
