Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
