Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
