So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
