I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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