eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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