dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
