So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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