You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize