Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
