Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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