Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
