My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
