i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
