i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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