Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
