she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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