I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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