I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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