we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
