Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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