we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
