I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
false alarm, still single
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