2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
