She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
