Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize