he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
