The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
