hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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