she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
