your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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