i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
