after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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