just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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