you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
