That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
