11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize