I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
