oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize