i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
