mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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