Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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