He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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