when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
