Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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