dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
