Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
