I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
