You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
