My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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