Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize