jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
