Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize