omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
