Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
