Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
