dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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