okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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