Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
