I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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